‘I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends’.
Regret Number 4 – The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying
Welcome to Part 4.
On the list of derailers, which showed up most strongly for you? Did you identify any others?
Now to the foundations.
- Decision
The first is a decision to live a life that matters to you.
It’s a decision to honour the part of yourself that knows what’s right for you and it’s a decision to trust it, even in the face of challenge and adversity.
You affirm this decision in big moments and small.
- Values
Our values shape who we are. In essence, they make up our identity.
Who do you want to be in this lifetime?
How do you want to show up?
What actions are you taking or will you take to make you proud to look back on your life as one well-lived.
By focusing on our values, we’re able to live a life that’s in line with who we really are.
These values may change over time as our awareness expands and we grow.
What we value will ultimately be reflected in our outer world. When we live what we value each and every day, we develop inner strength, knowing we’re in control of the decisions we make.
Your choices, therefore, become more conscious.
- Boundaries
We’re all unique individuals with our own likes, dislikes, values and beliefs. Boundaries let people know who we are and what we value.
They’re our agreements with ourselves as to what we’re happy to do and what we’re not comfortable doing. They allow us to express our limits and allow us to draw a line in the sand as to what’s acceptable and what’s not.
It’s important to know your boundaries, for if you’re unaware of them it’s easy to react from a place of anger if you’re put in a position to do something contrary to what you believe in and are simply not prepared to do.
Boundaries reflect our self-worth and self-respect. It’s our responsibility to communicate them effectively to others. At times, we may feel that our boundaries cause tension or conflict.
However, in my experience, I’ve discovered it often isn’t the boundaries themselves that create the tension; rather, it’s the way we communicate them, either because we’re unaware of them, have not owned up to them or expressed them clearly.
Have you ever let something slide, then another thing, then another thing, and then you explode?
The explosion didn’t come from the boundary itself – it came from not speaking up the first, second and third time.
At the end of the day, we want to relate with people who respect our boundaries, whatever those boundaries may be.
- Contrast
We can tend to get frustrated or upset when we experience things we don’t want, but what’s really happening is they’re telling us what we do want.
If you know what you don’t want you know what you do want.
Any time you don’t think you know what you want, write the polar opposite of that on a piece of paper and there you have it. It really is that simple.
The problem is that when we spend time focusing on what we don’t want, we get more of it. We then notice we get more of it and say, ‘See? I told you!’
Life is about contrast. The exciting part is that we get to choose where we put our focus and what we get to experience.
- Forgiveness
This can be a hard one, especially when we feel we’ve been wronged.
The key thing to remember is that we’re not forgiving others for their sake, we’re doing it for our own.
The negative energy we carry around while holding onto resentment is only damaging us. It’s not affecting the other person at all.
Forgiveness is really selective remembering.
When we judge another we judge ourselves. As we forgive others, we begin to forgive ourselves.
At the end of the day it’s about creating ways of being that support us to be the people we want to be and live a life of meaning.
Stay tuned for the final part in the series – a new path.