The people-pleasing conundrum
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The people-pleasing conundrum

Isn’t it interesting that when we talk about people-pleasing, it’s usually in relation to pleasing others.

If we speak about pleasing ourselves, it’s usually with some sort of justification or mea culpa, should anyone think we believe we’re more important than they are. 

Quelle horreur!

Why do we make other people and their needs more important than our own?

Why do we continue to sell ourselves short?

Could it be that we’ve confused self-respect with selfishness?

Selfishness is defined as lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.

Think egotistical, egocentric, self-centred. Ewwww!

Self-respect is defined as pride and confidence in oneself; a feeling that one is behaving with honour and dignity.

Think confidence, self-esteem, self-assurance. Yeah!

Or could it be that we’ve demonised certain qualities, misunderstanding the natural laws of the universe?

For everything is two sides of the same coin.

The sun burns when it gets too much.

Water floods when it gets too much.

Our strengths can become weaknesses when they get too much.

Rather than disowning the parts of ourselves we consider unacceptable,  it pays to look for their benefits.

How does being egotistical (absorbed in oneself), egocentric (thinking only of oneself, without regard for the feelings or desires of others) and self-centred (preoccupied with oneself and one’s affairs) serve you?

When can these qualities be helpful?

Equally, when do the drawbacks of excessive confidence, excessive self-esteem, and excessive self-assurance become apparent?

Perhaps the issue isn’t one of selfishness, perhaps it’s one of balance and ownership.

Your needs aren’t more important than anyone else’s, but they’re equally important. 

Who are you pleasing right now and why?